15 Tips to Raising Great Children

[this is something i received in an email and i really want to share it with you so here it is! the author is unknown but the information is great, mashaAllah. Enjoy!]

Children are easily influenced by their surroundings. These days, it is extremely difficult to expose our children to an ideal Islamic environment given the influences from media, friends and even other members of the family.
With television, radio, Internet and forms of media mostly touting un-Islamic values, it is up to parents and adults close to the children to set the correct example.
It is impossible to shield our children from all the negative forces that can shape their minds and, ultimately, their behavior.
However, by our own example and showing them better options, we can set them on the true path, which is to obey the commandments of Allah (swt) and our Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him).
Here are some tips you may want to follow in helping your children grow up with Islamic values:
1.Start by teaching them the importance of Worshipping only Allah: The best thing any Muslim parent could ever teach their children is to emphasize, from the day they can comprehend, that Allah (swt) is One and no one is worthy of worship except Allah (swt). This is the fundamental message of our Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) and it is our key to Paradise.
2.Treat them kindly: Kindness begets kindness. If we were kind to our children, they in turn would show kindness to others. Our Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) was the best example in being kind to children.
3.Teach them examples of Muslim heroes: Instead of Batman or Superman, tell them about real heroes such as Abu Bakr, Umar ibn Khattab, Othman bin Affan, Ali bin Abi Talib and others. Tell them how Muslim leaders brought a real peaceful change in the world and won the hearts of Muslims and non-Muslims alike.
4.Let children sit with adults: It is preferable for children to be among adults, especially when listening to Islamic lectures. The Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) would often put children in the front row when he spoke to the people.
5.Make them feel important: Consult them in family matters. Let them feel they are important
members of the family and have a part to play in the growth and well being of the family.
6.Go out as a family: Take family trips rather than allowing your children to always go out only with their friends. Let your children be around family and friends from whom you want them to pick up their values. Always remember that your children will become who they are around with most of the time. So, watch their company and above all give them YOUR company.
7.Praise them: Praise is a powerful tool with children, especially in front of others. Children feel a sense of pride when their parents’ praise them and will be keen to perform other good deeds. However, praise must be limited to Islamic deeds and deeds of moral value.
8.Avoid humiliation: Similarly, do not humiliate them in front of others. Children make mistakes. Sometimes, these mistakes occur in their efforts to please the parents. If you are unhappy with your children, tell them in private.
9.Sports: The Prophet (may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him) encouraged sports such as swimming, running and horse riding. Other sports that build character and physical strength are also recommended, as long as the children maintain their Islamic identity, wear appropriate clothes and do not engage in unnecessary mixing.
10.Responsibility: Have faith in their abilities to perform tasks. Give them chores to do in line with their age. Convince them that they are performing an important function and you will find them eager to help you out again.
11.Don’t spoil them: Children are easily spoiled. If they receive everything they ask for, they will expect you to oblige on every occasion. Be wise in what you buy for them. Avoid extravagance and unnecessary luxuries. Take them to an orphanage or poor area of your city once in a while so they can see how privileged they are.
12.Don’t be friends: It is common in the West for parents to consider their children as friends. In Islam, it doesn’t work that way. If you have ever heard how friends talk to each other, then you will know that this is not how a parent-child relationship should be. You are the parents, and they should respect you, and this is what you should be teaching them. The friendship part should be limited to you and them keeping an open dialog so they can share their concerns with you and ask you questions when they have any.
13.Pray with them: Involve them in acts of worship. When they are young, let them see you in act of salaah (salat). Soon, they would be trying to imitate you. Wake them up for Fajr and pray as a family. Talk to them about the rewards of salaah so that it doesn’t feel like a burden to them.
14.Emphasize halaal: It is not always good to say “this is haraam, that is haraam”. While you must educate them on haraam things, Islam is full of halaal and tell your children to thank Allah (swt) for the bounties He has bestowed on them- not just for food and clothes. Tell them to be thankful for having eyes that see, ears that hear, arms and legs and, the ultimate blessing, Islam in their hearts.
15.Set an example: As parents, you are the best example the children can have. If you talk to your parents rudely, expect your children to do the same to you. If you are disrespectful to others, your children will follow too. Islam is filled with Divine advice on the best ways to bring up your children. That makes it an obligation upon parents to be good Muslims so their children will try to emulate them. If you don’t take Islam seriously, neither will your children. It goes back to our third point, which is to give them Islamic heroes. As a parent, you should be their number one hero.

ICSGV presents.....Muslim Superheroes!

Islamic Center of San Gabriel Valley
Young Adults Group presents…

MUSLIM SUPERHEROES!

Kobe Bryant? Superman? Hanna Fontana?
OR
Khalid ibn Waleed? Malcolm X? Umm Salamah?

Join us for a THRILLING EVENT to learn the incredible stories of our true Heroes and Heroines in Islam!

Soaring your way Saturday, July 25th from 1pm to 8pm

Featuring:
Amir Abdel Malik Ali
Imam Abdul Karim Hasan
Imam Jihad Saafir

For more information please contact: ICSGVyoungAdults@gmail.com

Program Application

Three White Days for the Month of Rajab

Assalaamu Alaykum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu,

Just a Reminder, InshaAllah the three white days (13, 14, and 15) for the month of Rajab will be from Monday, July 6 - Wednesday, July 8. Try and fast them if you can.

Jareer ibn ‘Abdullaah (rAa) narrated that the Prophet (PBUH) said: “Fasting three days of each month is fasting for a lifetime, and ayaam al-beed are the thirteenth, fourteenth and fifteenth." [Al-Nasaa'i; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheel al-Targheeb]

Qatada ibn Milhan said, "The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) used to command us to fast the white days: the thirteenth, fourteenth and fifteenth." [Abu Dawud]

Ibn 'Abbas said, "The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) did not fail to fast the white days either when at home or on a journey." [an-Nasa'i]

*****There is a yahoo group title 'ThreeWhiteDays' that will send email reminders of when these days will be observed for each month.

fi'imanilLah,
Wafā' وفاء Manasrah

How to Be Patient

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

It has never been easy to be patient, but it's probably harder now than at any time in history. In a world in which messages can be sent across the world instantly, in which seemingly everything is available for immediate purchase with a few clicks of the mouse, it's hard not to always expect instant gratification. But patience remains a valuable tool in life. We don't always get instant gratification, and some of the best things in life require years of hard work and waiting. Fortunately, patience is a virtue that can be cultivated and nurtured.

Steps

1. Try to figure out why you're in such a hurry. We tend to lose our patience when we're multi-tasking or when we're on a tight schedule. If you're stretching yourself too thin, you should reconsider your to-do list before you attempt to change your natural reaction to an overwhelming situation. Try to spread out your tasks so that you're doing only one thing at a time. Delegate responsibilities to others if you can; this in itself may be a test of your patience, but you have to learn to share the load.
   
2. Pinpoint the triggers that often make you lose your patience. Impatience creeps in insidiously, and if you feel anxious, worried, or unhappy you may not even realize that the underlying cause of these feelings is impatience. To reduce the frequency of impatience, it helps to be aware of it. Which events, people, phrases or circumstances always seem to make you lose your cool? Sit down and make a list of all the things which cause you anxiety, tension, or frustration. At the core of most triggers is a reality that we have a hard time accepting. What are those realities for you?
   
3. Overcome bouts of impatience. In the long run, developing patience requires a change in your attitude about life, but you can immediately make progress by learning to relax whenever you feel impatient. Take a few deep breaths and just try to clear your mind. Concentrate on breathing and you'll be able to get your bearings.
   
4. Look for patterns. Being aware of your impatience also gives you a chance to learn from it and perhaps uncover a relationship or circumstance that is simply not healthy or constructive, and that you may have the power to change. Figure that out, and you can then think logically about the problem issue and decide whether or not your impatience is warranted or helpful. It usually isn't, but when it is you can then figure out ways to fix the root problem rather than simply feeling stressed about it.
   
5. Let go if you can't do anything about the impatience trigger. If there isn't anything that you can do to resolve whatever has triggered your impatience, just let it go. Easier said than done, yes, but it's possible, and it's the only healthy thing to do. Initially, you will probably find it difficult to let go if the matter is important to you--waiting to hear back after a job interview, for instance--but you should be able to alleviate impatience that's caused by issues of less consequence (i.e. waiting in line at the grocery store). If you make a concerted effort to be more patient in relatively inconsequential, short-term situations, you'll gradually develop the strength to remain patient in even the most trying and enduring situations.
   
6. Remind yourself that things take time. People who are impatient are people who insist on getting things done now and don't like to waste time. However, some things just can't be rushed. Think about your happiest memories. Chances are, they were instances when your patience paid off, like when you worked steadily towards a goal that wasn't immediately gratifying, or took a little extra time to spend leisurely with a loved one. Would you have those memories if you had been impatient? Probably not. Almost anything really good in life takes time and dedication, and if you're impatient, you're more likely to give up on relationships, goals, and other things that are important to you. Good things may not always come to those who wait, but most good things that do come don't come right away.
   
7. Expect the unexpected. Yes, you have plans, but things don't always work out as planned. Accept the twist and turns in life gracefully. Keep your expectations realistic. This applies not only to circumstances, but also the behavior of those around you. If you find yourself blowing up over your child or your spouse accidentally spilling a drink, you're not in touch with the fact that people aren't perfect. Even if the occasion is not an isolated incident but is instead caused by their repeated neglect and carelessness, losing your patience isn't going to make it any better. That's something to be addressed with discussion and self-control.
   
8. Give yourself a break. The meaning of this is twofold. First, take a few minutes to do absolutely nothing. Just sit quietly and think. Don't watch television; don't even read. Do nothing. It may be hard at first, and you may even feel pretty impatient after a minute or two, but by taking some time out you can essentially slow your world down, and that's important to develop the attitude necessary to develop patience. Second, stop holding yourself and the world around you to unreachable standards. Sure, we'd all be more patient if babies didn't cry, dishes didn't break, computers didn't crash, and people didn't make mistakes--but that's never going to happen. Expecting the world to run smoothly is like beating your head against the wall. Give yourself a break.
   
9. Remember what matters. Not focusing on what matters most in this life fuels impatience. Move the world toward peace by being kind, generous in forgiveness of others, being grateful for what is, and taking full advantage of what matters most. When other less important things fuel our impatience, taking time to remember any one of these items reduces our tendency to want something different right now.
   

Tips

• Boredom can make it very difficult to be patient. If you're waiting in the doctor's office and the only thing you can concentrate on is the ticking clock, good luck trying to be patient. If, however, you can read a book or do a crossword puzzle, time will fly by (or at least creep less slowly). If you've nothing to do while you're waiting, just try to appreciate the fact that you have nothing to do. In a fast-paced world, opportunities to do nothing are rare and should be cherished.
  
• Once you are able to change your attitude so that you are a patient person, you will find that patience can help you endure any tribulation, no matter how long-lasting or difficult. More importantly, perhaps, patience can help you achieve your goals.
  
• Many people find that spirituality helps develop patience. Nearly every religion places value on patience, and indeed, having a belief system and embracing your spirituality can help you let go of things you cannot change and can comfort you when you are waiting. If you're not religious, you may still benefit from prayer or meditation, even if you're just talking to yourself, because these activities take you out of the worldly hustle and bustle.
  
• Being patient with others is a form of respect for them. Nobody is perfect, and if you want to be a good parent, boss, spouse, or friend, it's important to recognize this and to be patient with people. "Don't sweat the small stuff" is a good motto. You and everyone around you will be more relaxed and able to get along much better.
  
• Developing patience is not easy, and you've got to be motivated to become more patient. You can do it, however, and you should. Patience can reduce your stress levels and improve your health and longevity, and patience can actually make you happier. Whenever you find yourself growing impatient, think about the positive effects of patience, and remember that impatience only makes things worse.
  
• Instead of becoming annoyed by a distraction (such as a crying baby on a long flight), try just being a passive observer. If you make it daily practice to observe things and events without judging or forming an opinion, being able to acknowledge something without allowing it to annoy you will become easier with time.
  
• People that are patient tend to have better lives.
  
• Remember, for every minute you are angry you lose 60 seconds of happiness.
  
• One way to release stress is to write about it. Studies have shown that people who write about their emotions tend to become more calm and learn to accept the emotions that they are experiencing. so, the next time you feel angry, just write about it and try to meditate over why you would be so angry.
  
• A quote from James Clavell's Shogun: “Karma is the beginning of knowledge. Next is patience. Patience is very important. The strong are the patient ones. Patience means holding back your inclination to the seven emotions: Hate, adoration, joy, anxiety, anger, grief, fear. If you don’t give way to the seven, you’re patient, then you’ll soon understand all manner of things and be in harmony with Eternity.”
  

Warnings

• Patience should be no excuse for procrastination. While patience can help you be OK with doing nothing, it's important to understand that idleness breeds impatience and stress.
  
• Be patient with others who display little patience; if they bother you too much, make an excuse to locate yourself somewhere else and take a break from their anxiety-inducing behavior.
  

Related wikiHows

• How to Be Calm in a Stressful Situation
  
• How to Do Nothing
  
• How to Deal With Impossible People
  
• How to Be Patient When Doing Homework With Your Young Child
  

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